ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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