i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
