if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Everything about him screamed your future.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
