I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
