GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize