i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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