i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
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Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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