remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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