And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Randomize