I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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