Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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