Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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