When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
