was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Damn victory sex feels great
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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