hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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