You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize