On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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