you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I would ride that face into the sunset
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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