I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
