naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
