Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
