Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
