dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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