I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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