Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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