Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
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How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
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What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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