Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
