just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
