So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
