Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
