I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
