feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
The Olympian is in my bed
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
