I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
