Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
