Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
