i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
that is very illegal...i love you.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize