im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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