I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
