i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
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There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
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I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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