My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
whose ass print is on the piano?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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