Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
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