We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
