This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
