We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
