it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
