I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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