By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
