Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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