I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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