Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
