Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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