is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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