So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize