I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
where are my eyebrows?
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