FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
