She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
