well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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