Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
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