Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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