i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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