Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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