if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
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I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
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I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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